Tree removal distressing, but necessary

True that.

my favorite part about trader joes?

all the trading.

attention

very important Noob dates coming up:

April 1: Noob rejected from college of choice.

April 5: Noob ceases to cry after five days of crying.

April 6: Noob buys a knob. Sticks knob in behind, and cries again for the pain.

April 10: Monthly Noob festival, Tacoma.

April 21: Noob washes his dirty area

April 25: Noob smells himself and smiles.

April 29: Noob wonders about the month to come.

May 2: Noob takes picture of himself.

May 3: Noob puts picture on the internet.

May 8: Response to picture = sensational

May 10: Monthly Noob festival, Tacoma.

May 11: Noob goes to Woyzeck.

May 11: Noob cries about how he didn't get it.

May 12: Noob smells himself and cries.

Be sure to mark your calenders!

a totally serious post

OK, this is a post that is totally serious. I'm so serious - this isn't supposed to be funny. This is something that I, in all seriousness, thought of like five minutes ago. This is something that gives me great pleasure, truly, a very pure sense of joy.

I love when I go to the fridge looking for a hunk of cheese, and then I find it and not only do I not have to unwrap a new package of cheese (because then I would have to get scissors and then put them away afterwards) but it's already in a size that's approximately a serving, so I don't have to slice it into a managable chunk.

And dude, cheese is not hard to slice. Cheese is perhaps the least hard food you possibly can slice. It just really touches me.

Thanks, you guys. Thanks a lot.

Taming the Shrew: Joke Version

Q. How do the snakes on a plane tame the shrew?
A. With slithering, they tame the shrew.

Q. How does Harry Potter tame the shrew?
A. By Slitherin' on the plane.

Q. How does porn-o tame the shrew?
A. By being free and on the internet, it tames the shrew.

Q. How does Ben Kaplin tame the shrew?
A. With the Porn-O movie "Pirates" he tames the shrew.

Q. How does Oprah tame the shrew?
A. Oprah uses the power of television to tame the shrew .

Q. How does Austin Gross tame the shrew?
A. By perverting the norm of the shrew.

Q. How do Lesbians tame the shrew?
A. By having the right to co-parent the shrew.

Q. How does Frodo tame the Shrew?
A. Frodo overcomes great obstacles to tame the shrew.

Q. How does Huckleberry Finn tame the shrew?
A. He resourcefully uses the shrew as bait for a bigger shrew.

Q. How does a Neo-Conservative tame the Shrew?
A. He liberates the shrew.

Q. How does Anna Wu tame the Shrew?
A. Tame the who?

Q. How does a Rabbi tame the Shrew?
A. He turns the shrew into sausage.

Q. How does a Penguin tame the Shrew?
A. He gets Morgan Freeman to tame the shrew with his soothing voice.

Q. How does Dane Heinonen tame the Shrew?
A. With a dashing smile and a flick of the hair.

Q. How do every freshman tame the shrew?
A. Wait. . .shrew?

Q. How does Edward Albee tame the Shrew?
A. He plays on the shrew's dark secrets until the perfect world of the shrew is perverted.

Q. How does Marijuana tame the Shrew?
A. By making high the shrew.

Q. How does german gay porn star Johan Paulik tame the shrew?
A. With a dashing smile and a flick of the hair. . . ?

The Top Infinity Ways to Tame a Shrew

1. Punch the shrew in the tummy.
2. Throw the shrew into a wall.
3. Shave the shrew.

a poem by charles bukowski

in the morning
I felt as sad
as a piece of shit.

So I fucked my pussy-like dog.

It felt juicy
like festered brain,

But I still felt
down in the
dumps.

So I took an apple
and pummelled it
between my two fists.

And had a chuckle,
then sat and grumbled out the window
that the world was fucked as a cocked hat
and by my stripes,
I'd have no more of it.

It was a watermelon day,
Like the sweat in my elbow cracks.

I guess it wasn't so bad.

failed cancrines

Definition of Cancrine

So patient a doctor to doctor a patient's toe.

Toe patient a doctor to doctor a patient's tree.

So patent a doctor to patent a doctor so.

So patent a patent to doctor a patella's toe.

So parent a patient to patent a doctor's glow.

Woe, present the patient to the doctor with the gift of present woe.

Lo, did lent begin or doctor on my woe?

So patient a dripper to plunger a patient so.

So latent a dickler to trickle a dickler's toe.

So whinsome a ladle to walk a patella's toe.

No gurdles in Dock-ick will Kickdock a durgle trowl.

Lo, was it the needle that wheedled the wiffled blow?

So dapper a locker to locker a dapper Woe.

So whinsome a gurdle to doctor a patient's toe.

So treebing a slapper to wingle a bingtree's doe.

So patella will wander and patella will do it so.

an idea from - guess where - MY BRAIN!!

Here is an idea from the places of all places, my BRAIN!:

MTV has a show called "Pimp My Ride".
MTV has a show called "Date My Mom".
I want to make a new show called "Pimp My Mom".

Obviously this would be hilarious because pimping your mother is something that could actually be done, if you made your mom have sex for money.

ha HA!

LOL

THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE:

Jumble

UNSCRAMBLE THE WORDS TO FIND THE SECRET JUMBLE WORD:

Sunctuou

Di

Filthy Gay Pic!!!

A drag queen

Odysseyus of Ithaca, Master of Land Ways, Master of Sea Ways DuBois

Joke

A guy walks into a bar and he saysh can I pleese have a drink made of pooooopoo?!

joke

A guy walks into dee bar wiff NOTHING IN HIS HANDSH BUT A PILE O' POOP

Joke

A guy walks into a bar fulla poop

joke

A guy walks into a bar and makes POO POO AND PEE PEE OUT OF LICKLE ANIMALSH!

joke

A guy walks into a bar and PEEEEESh all ovur dee playsh

joke

So a guy walks into a bar and POOOOOOOOPSCH

A tragedy about shakespeare

Shakespeare: To be, or not to be?
Dave Corky: YOU JUST FAILED MY CLASS!!!!!
Shakespeare: Jeez!!!! Now I'm NEVER getting into ye olde collyge!!!

A joke

So, this guy walks into a bar and is all like, "dude, this is such a funny BAR!!!" and the bartender is like "duh" and so the guy orders a "brink" and the bartender is all like "don't you mean a DRINK?" and the guy's all like YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!