Work.

Today, a woman bought a $25 gift certificate to Michaels from me. I really wanted to say, "Don't spend it all in one place!"

I already texted this to Theo so this is basically for Jens who is the only one who reads this blog

You know where they should build the next Starbucks? On a real-live star!!!!!!!

The Best Way to Tell Your Husband You're Pregnant

HER: Honey, I've contracted an STB.
HIM: What?!
HER: A Sexually Transmitted Baby!