My favorite book in the series

"Harry Potter and the Magic"

If I Were a Bee

If I were a bee, I wouldn't wear horizontal stripes, because they would make me look fat! (Just kidding, I would have to.)

If I were a bee, I would call my body my "bee-dy".

If I were a bee, I'd go on a no-honey diet, because I looked fat in my horizontal stripes.

If I were a bee, I'd marry a flower.

If I were a bee, I'd be sad.

things that i promised myself i would never do which I have done

1. hair on the face

2. hair on the back neck

3. hair on the chest and tummach.

4. hair on the back

5. hair on the buttick

6. hair on the shouldz.

7. pay for porn.

8. hair on front neck

9. suck ass at everything.

10. have a mole

11. contract HPV.

12. get older.

13. be a wimp.

14. get vocal nodes.

15. not get anything done.

16. become addicted to facebook.

17. go to theater camp.

18. not have sex with brendan douglas.

19. enjoy dressing in women's clothing

20. be gay.

happy birthday me!!

Things that I Wouldn't Do

I would definitely not remember to water my garden if you could grown cinnamon rolls.

Herb Garden

Food is delicious, but everything is better when you add parsley! Except for parsley.

And I know you can grow cinnamon, but wouldn't it be great if you could grow cinnamon rolls? I would definitely remember to water my garden if you could grown cinnamon rolls.

the ten commandments of turkish d-light

1. thou shalt not write the "-" in turkish d-light.

2. thou shalt eat the yummiest dandy candy in the land: turkish d-light.

3. thou shalt put pistashes in it for nutty flaves.

4. thou shalt make kiwi flaves.

5. thou shalt smack thy teeths with smackity glee every time you have a "D" (light)

6. thou shalt go "mmmm" with smackity glee after thou hast slurped down the turkish d-lights in you throatz.

7. thou shalt have creamy nougat flaves.

8. thou shalt make a big ole batch of turkish d-light.

9. thou shalt not let a doggy eats the pistashes, OR ELSE.

10. all turkish d-lights = one dolla.

"socks"

I wear my socks all the time. i wear them to school, and to home and to church and to supermarket and to dodgeball prakkise and to kurjack prakkise and to bar mitsvahs and bat mitzvahs (for bat people) and mansions and hovels and to airports and to trainports and to waterports and to fireports and to durtports and to church and to gym class and to black people school and on the bus and on the train and on the surfing board and also i wear my socks in bed and in the shower and in the grasss and on the pool and in the poolz and in the sleep time and in the school and nap time and eatin' gerbits and havin cheezits and killing bugz and when i'm walkin down the streets.

jewish people

are the best.

martin luther king: jew.

marin luther king junior: jew.

martin luther (?) : jew.

leonardo da vinci: jew/mason

patton oswalt: jew

martin lawrence: jew

jackie chan: jew.

marty-lin monroe: jew.

philip nigra: jew.

wife of bath: jew.

sam tucker: jew.

that kid with the big head: jew.

fan man: jew (fan)

yogurt sam: jew.

treehead randy: jew.

boxy sam: jew.

lifeguard rick: jew.

rinky dink sammy: jew.

president herbert hoovz: jew.

the bourne identity: jew.

the porn identity: JEW?!

feelings

I was walkin down the road, with a lot of feelings.

My head was feelin happy
and me toes was feelin sad
and my brain was feeling dippy
and my chub was feelin fat

and my hands were feeling pudgy
and my sack was feelin slim
and my feet was feelin gurdy
and my neck was number one

and my eyes was feelin cloudy
and my face was feelin drab
and my book was feelin soggy
and my socks were feelin mad

and my feelins felt so nifty
and my nifty felt so swell
and my feelins took me outta here
and sent me down to heck.

Observation

Why are all the good parking places taken or invisible?

TRUTH NUMBRR 5

Like they always say, 5 is a lucky number.

IN ADDITION

All posts that are attributed to "X" are my old posts. Because that's my maiden name.

Things That Might Be Said If Humans Had Three Hands and Feet Instead of Two

My husband has two left feet. Like everyone else.

Your baby has ten fingers and toes. I'm so sorry.

I'm middle handed.

GOOD LUCK.

HELLO, MY SEEDS. HELLO, FRUIT OF THE SEEDS OF MY LOIN.

This blog has undergone a reckoning. A reckoning, my vegetables of the fruit of my loins. My elderly father, Theo, and I have been wrapped up in many projects (read: immaculate pregnancies), but we are back. And like they say, once you go black you never don't not go black. However, THEY don't read The Unctuous Id, but YOU do. YOU, the South Beach Diet bars of my loins. YOU, the future of this nation.

YOU, the Adonis of our time.