Different Ways to Snag Yur Man
We all k now that the big problem facing today's youth is how tur snag thur man. Why, just the other day I was talking to a yuth that I met on the roard, there in the middle of the city and they were riding their bicycle and wanderin about their mommy. And I say, hey what's yur wrong? And they said "how to snag mur man"
And so I gavem the followin advice.
1. Cookem a nce big dins
2. Evurr Day, in yur house madea cookies.
3. Bakem in a pie!
4. Eat the bie.
And so I gavem the followin advice.
1. Cookem a nce big dins
2. Evurr Day, in yur house madea cookies.
3. Bakem in a pie!
4. Eat the bie.
posted by theo at 10:16 AM
3 Comments:
7. read a log of the "b" variety
5. SNAG UM BY THE ANKLE AND PUUULLLLLLLLLLLL
You're gonnna be a STAR someday, kid, I just know it! Why, you're gonna walk out on that stage and knock 'em dead, I guarantee it! They won't know what hit 'em!
What's that? you don't believe an old man? Well then here, take these. These are shoes passed down from my daddy, and his daddy got 'em from his daddy, and so on and so forth. Now don't laugh, kid, but these shoes ain't any ordinary tapdancing shoes. These shoes are magical! Nobody has ever so much as missed a beat while they're wearing these. I know it may sound little unbelievable, but with these shoes, kids, you can't help but succeed! Try 'em on! There, they fit nice, eh? Now there's your cue. Good luck, kid! Remember: you can't help but win in those charmed tapdancing shoes! Break a leg, and I'll meet you backstage after the show.
LATER
Well? What did I tell you, kid? You were great out there! But you know what? There wasn't anything special about those shoes. I made all that up to give you confidence. All of the magic was already in you! And you looked great, kiddo. You've done an old man proud.
KID: What are you talking about?!? I got booed offstage by a horde of angry theatergoers. I think they're trying to burn the proscenium as we speak. Those shoes were a complete disaster, you old bag! My career is ruined!
OLD MAN: Let's go to the reception, kid. I can introduce to Mr. Dolores. He's a big name in Hollywood, and word is he thought your routine was hotter than a radiator on an August afternoon! This is big, kid. This is where it all begins.
KID: Look, I'm bleeding. They were throwing things at me. Did you know that I passed the director on the way offstage and he punched me full on in the nose? Oh God. Oh God. I'll never work in this town again. What will become of me? Oh mother...mother...
OLD MAN: I always knew you had it in you, kid. Ever since that first day when I saw you standing in the rain outside the theater, with that spark in your eye that said, "I'm going places"! Well, now you really are going places, kid. And to think it was all because of same fake magic shoes!
KID: You imbecile! I'm playing King Lear! At what point did you think that I would be TAPDANCING!?!?
OLD MAN: What? Oh, I must be in the wrong theater. So sorry, kid.
Too bad I forgot to bring my grandaddy's enchanted map of the major metropolitan theaters! No one has ever made so much as a wrong turn while he was using it!
ANGRY MOB: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH
[slays them both]
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