Things My Mother Would Have Said at the Big Bang Had She and I Both Been at the Big Bang (hi mommy!)

Eat something, you're too skinny. Especially when compared to this Bang, which is very Big.

The Bang is too loud, it hurts my ears.

When are you going to give me grandchildren? This Big Bang is alright, I guess.

I got Jacob Cohen's email address from his mother. He's such a nice boy, you should email him after the Big Bang!! I wish I understood email.

So what if Amanda's mom is paying for her to spend Spring Break in Cancun? If everyone decided to build a Space-Bridge during the Big Bang and then decided to jump off that Space-Bridge, would you jump off the Space-Bridge, too?

I want hundreds of Space-grandchildren.

You can never find good Delis out here.