METRIC SYSTEM

Here in America, we like our pie apple, our States United, and our measuring system non-Metric. Our measurement defines our nation; without the American measuring system, America is little more than the most powerful country in the world. Here’s what would happen if our country switched to the Metric System:


MARATHON
Me: Look, you guys – I just ran a marathon!
Popular kid: In the metric system, “marathon” means “millimeter”, which is a really small, stupid amount.
Me: But it took me six hours.
Popular kid: Dude, I bet your total embarrassment density right now is 70 kilograms per cubic meter.
Me: It might be.
Popular kid: I guess I’m still a little impressed though, since you don’t have any legs.


WEATHER
Me: Let’s see what’s on the weather channel today.
TV Weatherman: Today’s temperature will be quite chilly. We’re looking at four degrees Celsius.
Me: Four degrees – I better bundle up. (Puts on coat) I wonder why I feel mildly overdressed.
TV Weatherman: In the metric system, “four degrees” means “39 degrees Fahrenheit”.
Me: I wonder why it’s snowing.
TV Weatherman: In the metric system, “temperature” means “how likely it is that it will snow.”


COOKING CLASS
Cooking instructor: Now, just add one cubic centimeter of cream to the cake batter…
Me: I know this one – “Centimeter” is “one hundredth of a meter”. (Adds the cream)
Cooking instructor: You Americans. “Centimeter” means “one ninety-ninth of a meter”.
Me: This cake has way too much cream in it now.
Cooking instructor: And aren’t you allergic to cream?
Me: There are 14 pounds in a meter.