LESSER-KNOWN HALLMARK CARDS

BIRTHDAY
Front: Happy 77th birthday!
Inside: In America, the average life expectancy is 77 years and 5 months.

BELATED BIRTHDAY
Front: I just recently was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. From what my family tells me, it’s very serious. Some days I remember the names of my children, some days not. I’ve been moved into an adult home, where I’ll be well cared for in the advanced stages of the disease.
Inside: Happy belated birthday!

PREGNANCY
Front: I just recently was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. From what my family tells me, it’s very serious. Some days I remember the names of my children, some days not. I’ve been moved into an adult home, where I’ll be well cared for in the advanced stages of the disease.
Inside: Happy belated period!

GET WELL SOON
Front: “Ebola” sure sounds funny when you say it a lot! Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola.
Inside: Get well soon.

FATHER’S DAY
Front: Happy Father’s Day.
Inside: Don’t tell mom, but the weekend at your house was always the best of the month!

DÍA DE LOS MUERTOS
Front: Honore el muerto, celebra la vida.
Inside: I don’t know what this means.

MOTHER’S DAY
Front: Happy Mother’s Day, to the greatest woman I know.
Inside: I had some pretty cool weekends at your house, too, I guess.

ANNIVERSARY
Front: Marrying you was the greatest thing I ever did.
Inside: Second greatest: winning every Nobel Prize.

CHRISTMAS
Front: “Have a holly-jolly Christmas!”
Inside: -Luke 2:4

ENGAGEMENT
Front: We were meant to be together, Julie. My friends are telling me you’re getting married, but they’re lying. They’re also telling me I’m in denial. Why are my friends such liars?
Inside: Happy Thanksgiving!