CHESS

I’m a chess scholar, and I love my job. Sure, every little kid goes through that “chess historian” phase. Most of those children grow up into jaded adults, working as astronauts or firemen or ballerinas, their dreams of chess scholarship lost forever. I, on the other hand, am living that dream.

Chess has a long and illustrious history. Few people know, for instance, that “chess” comes from the Indian word “chaturanga”, which, loosely translated, means “chess.” Chess has been around so long that it has inspired many variations. There's “defense chess,” “suicide chess,” and “Chess 2: Back in Action.”

There’s no one way to play chess, but you should know some basics. There are just a few vital facts to remember: protect the king, checkmate, castling, and queen on her color. It helps if you make it into a mnemonic device. Before every game, just think “PTKCCQOHC.”

People wonder what the best chess piece is. My favorite piece is the queen, because it has the advanced capability of producing short-term, aggressive attacks. My other favorite piece is the horsey, because it’s a cute little horsey. People also wonder how to remember all the chess strategies. Even I have to admit that complex chess strategies are hard to keep straight. “The Rauzer Formation”, “The Sicilian Defense”, “The Latvian Gambit”: what next, “The Squiggle”? I, for one, invent my own chess strategies that actually make sense. I have one that I use a lot: “The Squiggle.”