BUFFET
Ask yourself, what is the greatest culinary gift that France has given America? If you said Taco Bell, you’re wrong. Taco Bell is only the second greatest gift France has given America. Number one? Buffets.
If you’re hungry all the time, buffets can’t be beat. There’s nothing better than trays of food as far as the eye can see, except for not being legally blind. And the atmosphere is so laid back. It’s called “All You Can Eat”, but there’s really no pressure.
Buffets have amazing red meat, for starters. I never get good meat in regular restaurants: I’ll order my beef “well done” and they always bring me it completely brown when I really meant subjectively well done, which, in my opinion, is medium rare. My favorite buffet serves delicious filet mignon. They won’t tell me what the secret ingredient is, but I have a feeling it’s extra mignon. And don’t even get me started on how great buffet poultry is. No one gets excited about birds – it’s always “It's a bird, it's a plane, oh no, wait, wait, it's a bird.” But I love the mounds of chicken in buffets. I’m like a kid in a chicken store.
Buffets have every type of dessert that you could want. Often I’ll start off with 13 pastries (A Baker’s Dozen.) If they’re really delicious, I’ll go back and get 4 more pastries (A Baker’s 3.) Some nutritionists say that dessert buffets promote overeating and obesity. I’d like to respond that these nutritionists are egregiously uninformed and are irresponsibly and blatantly proliferating fabricated information, and also they go to Jupiter to get more stupider.
When I first moved to my town, I looked in every nook and cranny for a good buffet. Who knew that finding a local buffet would be so hard? I finally discovered an amazing one, though, just the other day; I must have missed a cranny.
If you’re hungry all the time, buffets can’t be beat. There’s nothing better than trays of food as far as the eye can see, except for not being legally blind. And the atmosphere is so laid back. It’s called “All You Can Eat”, but there’s really no pressure.
Buffets have amazing red meat, for starters. I never get good meat in regular restaurants: I’ll order my beef “well done” and they always bring me it completely brown when I really meant subjectively well done, which, in my opinion, is medium rare. My favorite buffet serves delicious filet mignon. They won’t tell me what the secret ingredient is, but I have a feeling it’s extra mignon. And don’t even get me started on how great buffet poultry is. No one gets excited about birds – it’s always “It's a bird, it's a plane, oh no, wait, wait, it's a bird.” But I love the mounds of chicken in buffets. I’m like a kid in a chicken store.
Buffets have every type of dessert that you could want. Often I’ll start off with 13 pastries (A Baker’s Dozen.) If they’re really delicious, I’ll go back and get 4 more pastries (A Baker’s 3.) Some nutritionists say that dessert buffets promote overeating and obesity. I’d like to respond that these nutritionists are egregiously uninformed and are irresponsibly and blatantly proliferating fabricated information, and also they go to Jupiter to get more stupider.
When I first moved to my town, I looked in every nook and cranny for a good buffet. Who knew that finding a local buffet would be so hard? I finally discovered an amazing one, though, just the other day; I must have missed a cranny.
posted by X at 1:15 PM
1 Comments:
and it was MY CRANNY BITCH
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