a short play with tall ambitions!
Theo = T
Lauren Gerson = L
Kristen Trad = K
T: My butt hurts.
L: Is it from all the fat?
T: No, it’s from the muscle.
K: Is it from all the stupid?
T: No! It’s from the muscle!!
L: Yeah, whatEVER! WHAT EVER!
K: Lauren, Lauren. I just want to say, I agree with you that its probably the poo poo in his butt that makes it hurt.
T: Poo Poo!? Why, I’ve never made poo poo in my life! I’m as clean as a baby’s arse.
L: A Baby’s arsE? It is a dirty thing, not a clean thing. A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
K: Aw, poo poo pee pee?
T: I’m gonna kick your butts and then your butts are gonna hurt.
L: From all the BAD kicking from your fat and stupid FOOT?
K: AHAHAHA! Good one, Gerson. That was great.
T: I’ll kick your butt ‘till the cows come home.
L: I’ve never heard such bullshit in my life.
K: What cows?
L: The fuckin motherfuckin cows, you dope.
K: Aaaah.
(pause)
T: I’m sad.
K: Is it from all the fat?
L: JUST LET IT GO KRISTEN! FUCKIN JEEEESUS, always prattling on about the fat.
T: Yeah what’s your problem, Chubby Hubby?
L: Yeah, chunky monkey.
K: Are you talking to me?
T: I don’t know, Fat person, probably I am.
K: Talkinna me?
L: See any other Chunky Monkeys round here?
K: Yeah, I see you, fatty Chubby.
L: What? Why I’ve never heard such bullshit in my life.
K: Well I guess that makes you the smart one, does it?
T: Oh blast it’s all going to crappy poopy crap now.
K: You will crumple like paper under the weight of my words!
L: Yeah, well at least the poo poo in my butt isn’t NOT SMART unlike the poo poo in some people’s butt...
T: You talkinna Me?
K: Don’t be DAFT.
T: Because my butt hurts.
L and K: Whiny whiny whiny ! Always with the whiny.
K: Why, I’ve never seen such a whiner in my life.
T: I am in Pain!
L:: Yes, Yes, in your Bum, I know.
T: No! Not only in my bum, but in my brain.
L: Yes, Yes, in your bum and your brain brain, I know
T: NO! Not only in my bum and brain, but in my heart.
K: Yeah, yeah, and in your heart I know.
L: OOO, SOMEbody’s sad about being chubby!
T: Chub chub chub chub chub chub chub, kristen. Chub, chub, kristen. GET OVER IT.
(FART SOUND)
T: Did somebody make poo poo?
(everybody looks to the sky)
(fart sound)
T: God?
L: God? Why I’ve never heard such bullshit.
K: yeah…
T: My butt hurts.
L: Don’t we all...
(pause)
T: Why are we here?
K: Where do we belong?
L: What is the meaning of life?
T: What is my brain?
L: Are babies real?
K: I’m a vegetarian.
T: Is there a god?
K: Are black people people too?
L: Are gay people people too?
T: Are asian people people too?
L: Are there pretty babies?
K: Is there a god?
T: My butt must hurt for a reason…
L and K: yaaaaah.
K: Mine too.
L: Mine too...
(pause)
T: Are we waiting for Godot?
L: Shut the fuck up.
K: yeaaaah.
T: Okay.
(pause)
(the end.)
Lauren Gerson = L
Kristen Trad = K
T: My butt hurts.
L: Is it from all the fat?
T: No, it’s from the muscle.
K: Is it from all the stupid?
T: No! It’s from the muscle!!
L: Yeah, whatEVER! WHAT EVER!
K: Lauren, Lauren. I just want to say, I agree with you that its probably the poo poo in his butt that makes it hurt.
T: Poo Poo!? Why, I’ve never made poo poo in my life! I’m as clean as a baby’s arse.
L: A Baby’s arsE? It is a dirty thing, not a clean thing. A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
K: Aw, poo poo pee pee?
T: I’m gonna kick your butts and then your butts are gonna hurt.
L: From all the BAD kicking from your fat and stupid FOOT?
K: AHAHAHA! Good one, Gerson. That was great.
T: I’ll kick your butt ‘till the cows come home.
L: I’ve never heard such bullshit in my life.
K: What cows?
L: The fuckin motherfuckin cows, you dope.
K: Aaaah.
(pause)
T: I’m sad.
K: Is it from all the fat?
L: JUST LET IT GO KRISTEN! FUCKIN JEEEESUS, always prattling on about the fat.
T: Yeah what’s your problem, Chubby Hubby?
L: Yeah, chunky monkey.
K: Are you talking to me?
T: I don’t know, Fat person, probably I am.
K: Talkinna me?
L: See any other Chunky Monkeys round here?
K: Yeah, I see you, fatty Chubby.
L: What? Why I’ve never heard such bullshit in my life.
K: Well I guess that makes you the smart one, does it?
T: Oh blast it’s all going to crappy poopy crap now.
K: You will crumple like paper under the weight of my words!
L: Yeah, well at least the poo poo in my butt isn’t NOT SMART unlike the poo poo in some people’s butt...
T: You talkinna Me?
K: Don’t be DAFT.
T: Because my butt hurts.
L and K: Whiny whiny whiny ! Always with the whiny.
K: Why, I’ve never seen such a whiner in my life.
T: I am in Pain!
L:: Yes, Yes, in your Bum, I know.
T: No! Not only in my bum, but in my brain.
L: Yes, Yes, in your bum and your brain brain, I know
T: NO! Not only in my bum and brain, but in my heart.
K: Yeah, yeah, and in your heart I know.
L: OOO, SOMEbody’s sad about being chubby!
T: Chub chub chub chub chub chub chub, kristen. Chub, chub, kristen. GET OVER IT.
(FART SOUND)
T: Did somebody make poo poo?
(everybody looks to the sky)
(fart sound)
T: God?
L: God? Why I’ve never heard such bullshit.
K: yeah…
T: My butt hurts.
L: Don’t we all...
(pause)
T: Why are we here?
K: Where do we belong?
L: What is the meaning of life?
T: What is my brain?
L: Are babies real?
K: I’m a vegetarian.
T: Is there a god?
K: Are black people people too?
L: Are gay people people too?
T: Are asian people people too?
L: Are there pretty babies?
K: Is there a god?
T: My butt must hurt for a reason…
L and K: yaaaaah.
K: Mine too.
L: Mine too...
(pause)
T: Are we waiting for Godot?
L: Shut the fuck up.
K: yeaaaah.
T: Okay.
(pause)
(the end.)
posted by Anonymous at 8:07 PM
4 Comments:
love it love it ! two thumbs up
Poop on my butt!
What you said made a ton of sense. But, think about this, suppose you were to write a awesome
headline? I am not saying your content isn't good, but what if you added a title that grabbed people's attention?
I mean "a short play with tall ambitions!" is a little boring.
You ought to look at Yahoo's front page and note how they create news titles to get viewers interested. You might add a video or a related pic or two to grab readers excited about everything've written.
In my opinion, it could bring your posts a
little livelier.
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