Hamlet by William Shakespeare
Scene one:
Claudio: Has anyone seen my nail trimmers?
Hamlet: Your what?
Claudio: My nail trimmers.
Hamlet: Oh! Are your nails getting long?
Claudio: Yeah. I mean, not really, but I'd like to keep them at bay. You know?
Hamlet: I do.
Claudio: That's a good feeling. You know? To have an understanding.
Hamlet: God, yeah. (laughs)
Claudio: (laughs)
Scene Two:
Mercutio: I'm making risotto.
Hamlet: I don't like Risotto, but I guess you didn't know that so whatever.
Mercutio: I can't quite...what do you mean you don't like risotto? You don't? What IS that?
Hamlet: It's just something I don't like. It's one of those things. Don't take it personally, that's so inconvenient.
Mercutio: You can't just for one night forget about how much you hate risotto and respect my labor?
Hamlet: I was going to eat it anyway!
Mercutio: Oh...Really?
Hamlet: Yes!
Mercutio: Oh that's great! Oh, god, I'm sorry to cause you any trouble.
Hamlet: It's nothing.
Scene three
Ophelia: I found a turtle.
Hamlet: is it green?
Ophelia: It's brown.
Hamlet: Ah, shit.
Scene four
Claudio: Has any one seen my turtle?
Ophelia: This turtle?
Claudio: Is it brown?
Ophelia: Sort of.
Claudio: Oh yeah that's him. Oh, wonderful
(turtle is transferred)
Ophelia: I'll miss you, turtle.
Hamlet: Oh Ophelia, we must move on.
Ophelia: You're right.
Scene five
Mercutio: Oh sweet innocence. I think I'll start a garden.
Hamlet: Have you got the green thumb?
Mercutio: (laughs) We'll see!
Scene six
Gertrude: Hamlet, can you make me a little something for breakfast.
Hamlet: Do you like eggs?
Gertrude: I love eggs, dear.
Hamlet: I'll cook you up a little smackerel of something then.
Gertrude: Thank you so much.
Hamlet: It's nothing.
Scene seven
(Hamlet on the phone)
Hamlet: Yeah...No...like, black leather, it's got photos in it. Some credit cards. I've been looking all over town...Yes, I realize...OH did you find it? Is the money still in it? It is! Oh. Oh, wonderful. I'll be right over.
(Hamlet hangs up phone)
Scene Eight
Claudio: Hamlet, I never loved your mother.
Hamlet: My who?
The End
Claudio: Has anyone seen my nail trimmers?
Hamlet: Your what?
Claudio: My nail trimmers.
Hamlet: Oh! Are your nails getting long?
Claudio: Yeah. I mean, not really, but I'd like to keep them at bay. You know?
Hamlet: I do.
Claudio: That's a good feeling. You know? To have an understanding.
Hamlet: God, yeah. (laughs)
Claudio: (laughs)
Scene Two:
Mercutio: I'm making risotto.
Hamlet: I don't like Risotto, but I guess you didn't know that so whatever.
Mercutio: I can't quite...what do you mean you don't like risotto? You don't? What IS that?
Hamlet: It's just something I don't like. It's one of those things. Don't take it personally, that's so inconvenient.
Mercutio: You can't just for one night forget about how much you hate risotto and respect my labor?
Hamlet: I was going to eat it anyway!
Mercutio: Oh...Really?
Hamlet: Yes!
Mercutio: Oh that's great! Oh, god, I'm sorry to cause you any trouble.
Hamlet: It's nothing.
Scene three
Ophelia: I found a turtle.
Hamlet: is it green?
Ophelia: It's brown.
Hamlet: Ah, shit.
Scene four
Claudio: Has any one seen my turtle?
Ophelia: This turtle?
Claudio: Is it brown?
Ophelia: Sort of.
Claudio: Oh yeah that's him. Oh, wonderful
(turtle is transferred)
Ophelia: I'll miss you, turtle.
Hamlet: Oh Ophelia, we must move on.
Ophelia: You're right.
Scene five
Mercutio: Oh sweet innocence. I think I'll start a garden.
Hamlet: Have you got the green thumb?
Mercutio: (laughs) We'll see!
Scene six
Gertrude: Hamlet, can you make me a little something for breakfast.
Hamlet: Do you like eggs?
Gertrude: I love eggs, dear.
Hamlet: I'll cook you up a little smackerel of something then.
Gertrude: Thank you so much.
Hamlet: It's nothing.
Scene seven
(Hamlet on the phone)
Hamlet: Yeah...No...like, black leather, it's got photos in it. Some credit cards. I've been looking all over town...Yes, I realize...OH did you find it? Is the money still in it? It is! Oh. Oh, wonderful. I'll be right over.
(Hamlet hangs up phone)
Scene Eight
Claudio: Hamlet, I never loved your mother.
Hamlet: My who?
The End
posted by Anonymous at 8:17 AM
4 Comments:
I especially enjoyed Scene 2-- the pathos was heartbreaking.
-Salom
mmm how original
I love you both. Very very much.
-Lauren
P.S. Gertrude is such a tool.
I, on the other hand, only love one of you. You'll have to fight to the death to find out who!
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