highlights from my days as an observational stand up comedian

"Have you ever been havin sex with a bitch and you realise 'I'm a faggot-gay'? That happened to me. OOPS: TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!"

"Have you ever been havin sex with a person your own age and you realise 'I'm a pedophile'? That happened to me. OOPS: TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"

"Have you ever been havin sex with a person of color and you realise 'I'm a flamin' racist! Whyyyyyyy, I'm worse than John C. Calhoun!'? That happened to me. Heeey yaaaaa"

"Have you ever been havin sex yourself and you realize 'i'm lonely here in my room, masturbaten'? That happened to me. . ."

"Have you ever been havin sex with your brother and you realise 'I left the tea-kettle on! Oh no!' That happened to my sister."